A dad's dream

SHE CAME to my world on less than 3 week ago and is growing day in day out. I am viewing her through the photos that were sent to me through internet. I enjoy to see her whenever I view her on photos. I feel sad whenever I think I am not dutiful to her. Despite she still unable to see and hear this age, I tried to understand the feeling of her when I see her photos. I think she is more resemble to her mum compare to me. But I don't mind for it as they both are most important person on the world for me.

The more I try to forget about her, the more my thinking is with her there. What can I do when I feel home-sick? No way but I just see her photos and console my mind. Once I see her charming face, I am so pleased. When I see her crying, I wanna go and comfort her. When she express her disgust, I keep guessing what has made her wrong. By the time I hear the sound of her crying on phone, I was shocked to sense that. I never felt satisfying to hear her sound as well as seeing her photos. I think all happening to me now is typical experience to all newly crown parent. I might have been a bit more as I am unable to stay by her during her very first days in this planet.

Sometime I ask myself if it is worthy to find money away from family. It's bitter experience to new family not to live together. But we can't afford to stay in wherever we want to stay in life for a specific reason at one time. So the best thing would be try to adapt new environment and cool our mind in actual life. It's universal truth that we have to give something if we want to take one thing in life. Being a person who came from a poor family, I hate to be a poor man and of course I don't want my daughter feel the same experience I suffered when I was young. I am relatively successful compare to my peers in term of work and saving money.

But being immigrant worker, my life is always uncertain and much depend on several factors that are out of my control. It's alike a trees on the bank of a river. It can be fallen or destroyed at any time without prior notice. That's why I have to be smart for the sake of my family. I don't think my daughter is additional burden to my life. I assumed she makes my life more meaningful in chasing money by hard working. What's purpose of finding money in oversea if we have no idea to use it? Now my thinking totally changed from previous since my daughter arrived to my family.

She automatically became privileged and I put myself third place after my heiress and wife. What drive me change my value? Nothing could change my life-style but my daughter. At couple weeks old, she is too small to go school but I already started thinking her educational ground between my native land and oversea. My wife and I always wanted to give our child the best education as we can and we would be pleased if we can make it real. I hope every parent's desire would be the same with me even if they can't afford to choose from. I would do my best to raise her life. Being a father, what else can I do her, I always considered that. Sometime I asked my superiors about the art of childcare.

I more paying attention to child's behavior on road or public transport. Once I see parent-child's happy relationship on my sight, I dreamed to own mine one day. Once I see some mum taught their child, I would like to copy them. By the time I see children are playing happily, I worry if my daughter can have such environment in my native town. I was sad once I realize I couldn't be able to tell some child stories to my daughter so that she can sleep on my tight or chest. What an amazing method to bond between a dad and daughter?

Coincidently, today I saw a dad and a daughter on the MRT. Daughter is sleeping on her dad's tight soundly and dad is touching his daughter's skin gently. What a great sense for a newly dad and make me really remember my daughter and suddenly felt home-sick. I tried to change my eyes direction to other but failed to do so. I see another mum-daughter relationship beside my seat. I thought my eyes has been auto focus on childs rather than normal people. Probably something might have changed the way I see or attention to public.

Everyday, I walk to my office and have to pass one primary school and one nursery school. So every morning I can able to see children are playing under the guidance of their teachers. Also I can view some people are bringing their kid to nursery home. Once I go back home on the evening, again I can see them some days. I may think once I see one small girl on sight, what if she is my daughter. At the moment the most I frequently wish to our Buddha is to help keep my daughter fine with everything. I am worry on if she can speak and hear when the time come right. First time I received my daughter's photos, the most I carefully see was her leg and hands if they all are fine and complete. Once I saw they all normal, I sighted and relax. Now I am worrying for next step if she can speak and hear properly on the right time.

Do I act over to my child? You may never know if you have never been a role of a dad/ mum. I of course understand the loving kindness of my parent more than before. I hope my child would be fine as my wife and I always treat to our parents nicely and gracefully. In view of this, we just expect for the good karma following to our very own child and we wish to find a best solution in near future to able to live family life under a roof regardless of places in this beautiful planet.

010810

Singapore