PROBABLY everybody makes mistake in life regardless of small or big. I also have made a lot mistakes in my past life and most recently I have committed one mistake that can cost me a very good and sympathetic friend. I more value the important of a good friend after I have been working in oversea. Experience told me how difficult it is to find a good friend in life. Due to my poor inter-personal skill, I don't have much friends like other does. I have been very few friends in life and they all are supposed to be my life-long friend who are worthy of discussing in both good and bad things by the time I am falling into troubles and problems.
I don't want to make a friend easily as my mind is not easy to accept somebody without knowing much about his/her background. People might judge me on the first sight or first short period that I am so proud with hollow qualification. I can't ignore their judging on me as it really doesn't bother me. I never felt loneliness when I am staying alone or spending time alone. My life is quite complete if I have something to read or to study. I don't need much friends to talk non-sense. I need friends who dare to critize me openly. I would love to fight upon one matter in respect of finding a solution.
In view of above, all of my current friends mean a lot to me and I value their parts in my life. I will never hesitate to help my friends as long as their needs are within my reach. I even help their friends who are not my direct friend once I got chance to help. But things will never go as we like. Occasionally it goes against our desire. It's obvious to understand this if you are grown up person. I would accept if a student tell me he don't understand this concept.
I am working to save money and money can't buy a good friend. I saved money for not worshiping. I saved it to use in wherever and whenever I need something else. It's my attitude and I can't level it to all as everybody has different standard in the way to value things. The month of July, 2010 is a special month for me as my daughter came to this world on 14th this month. By the time she arrived this earth, I am an ocean away from the hospital my wife is being taken operation. So I felt guilty as a undutiful man and felt ashamed to tell people despite a ton of excuses to tell them. I stay away from people and I spent a lot of my time in my work and study to forget about this.
But it's strange that the more I try to forget; the fact is the more I am remembering my newly born daughter and poor wife. My wife is giving her very first child without her husband (myself) and mother. What a pitiful woman to experience such traffic occasion? So I tried to call and console her through telephone so that she can feel I am always taking care her and baby. Since my country is the most expensive state to call in the world, I am needed to buy a lot of phone-cards so that I can call my family once I feel homesick. You may want to ask me why I am telling this around. I have to tell this as this is probably the source of mistake I have recently made.
One day, one of my friend asked me if I have any phone card extra during working time. In fact, I have only one card left when she made enquiry. In my mind, I don't want to borrow, but I am not comfort to tell lie. So I gave her my last card and intended to buy new shortly. Unfortunately I bought a few cards and they are not enough for the whole week for certain reasons. Luckily I got back card from my friend after my new cards were gone. 2 days later, I tried to call my wife, as appointment day arrived, and the number was invalid. I was desperate to call my family but failed to do so. My room-mate has no extra card and I have no idea. I can't sleep as I know my wife won't sleep until I gave her a call successful. I don't want her to feel annoyed. But I tried to sleep as I can do nothing in the middle of night.
The next day I asked myself should I ask my very good friend about this matter. I answered so many time alternatively "yes" and "no". Finally I decided to write a letter because I don't have enough courage to call and speak to her as this is very small matter compare to her contribution to me in past. I can't understand myself for that also. I should have forgotten this case it cost me only S$8.30 and I can easily afford that. But my mind is a bit strange and I can't cope it to calm down. So I wrote a letter if she still has a card after giving me number. My thinking was she may have made a typo and can retrieve a true number if the card remained with somewhere else.
Few minute later, I received a reply letter with explanation that read she also bought this number through a charity service. So it means she can't get a physical card and I included not to bother about this if card have been thrown away. I realized the situation as soon as I received the reply letter that my act had been wrong. But I can't withdraw my letter and words and I am pretty sure she have been downgrading despite she gave me a very good reason. The same evening, I received one sms that mention phone card no and I was fully regret to see it but I can do nothing about my past. It's not belong to me at all. It has been my history and it would be very expensive mistake if I have to lose one sisterhood friend for this tiny matter. To be honest I am not dare to move first in respect of giving explanation. That's why I am writing this post and hopefully my friend read this post and forgive my childish mistake.
A friend in need is a friend in deed. All my friends are my soul-mates who can understand my difficulties and always ready to back me. I can't live without them and of course I can't be what I am today without them. I wish all my friend understand me especially this time as my mind is quite windy due to my newly born biological daughter. I have made mistakes on easy work in job. I really need to take extra care on job as my job is related to money and I can't afford to lose my job for any reason as I already became a captain of my own family. Thanks for all my existing friends being there as my friend.
Good Night.
10:33pm
July 24, 2010
Singapore.
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